'Alroit guvnor, we'll go where nobody knows innit, oop and my car smells like choclit'. Try and listen to all three minutes and forty five seconds of Chocolate without screaming until you dieĭespite being from Cheshire, Healy often adopts a Cockney-sounding accent when singing, with surely no better example than on Chocolate, the song that made them famous. Being a generic pop band is fine guys, but if you're gonna do it, own it. It feels like they're trying to poke fun at the industry but it just doesn't work. It also features the not-at-all creepy lyrics 'Oh give it a rest, I could persuade you. Here is the video for a song called 'girls', a song about girls, featuring girls in lingerie playing their instruments. They're a huge cliche but pretend not to be They are performatively woke, their lead singer Matt Healy is just cringe af and even their fans don't really know why they like them. The problem with the 1975 is they take themselves too seriously, mistakenly thinking they are making some divine contribution to art and culture when really they're making music for people who cry after having sex. I'll be the first person to admit Somebody Else is a banger – it feels like you're walking straight through an episode of Made in Chelsea. Look, there's nothing explicitly wrong with the 1975's music or anything offensive about it either. But unfortunately, that doesn't stop them from being the lamest band in the entire world.

The 1975 won two Brits last night and have nine million monthly listeners on Spotify – they are without doubt one of the most popular and successful bands around.

The 1975 album cover robbers